My blog had been neglected for I haven't used computer much the past few days and my diary satisfies any of my emotional needs for now. And the entry is here below because it feels strange to be writing all those in a diary. I should stop posting too much of them though, makes me feel like I'm losing a part of myself. Somehow.

Controversial posts are things I dislike, knowing there isn't such thing as the truth, that someone may hate me for saying something for they think I am wrong. Fact is, I am not 'wrong' or 'right', that was just my view.

I miss hat feeling of confusion, the act of searching for the right word, feeling so triumphant when I do - its gone now. This certain clarity (in comparison to my old self, not others) makes me feel like a different person. There is so much less I share with others.

I used to be desperate for answers, now it feels like reflection, done in a calm manner. I try to be calm about things. I feel like I am in control of myself, an entirely different me. I like it, but at the same time I do not. This certain structure I'm trying to impose upon myself kills that free, wandering soul in me. I want to be seen as a free person, but deep inside I know it is this ability to get a hold of myself I need, to survive. (Do I want to live, or survive?)

Incoherent thoughts allow you to ramble on - if that was what I called writing then I should be able to do better. I hope.